she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
