The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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