This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
