Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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