no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
