She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
