I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
