I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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