I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
