wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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