Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
