I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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