I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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