Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
