You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
