she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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