2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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