whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
