True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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