i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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