Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's just so happy...and so naked.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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