Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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