I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
50% drunk capacity currently
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
