mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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