Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
