If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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