We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
