i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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