$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
