this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
