yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
