No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
