Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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