i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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