another moral hangover. fuck.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
