Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
