How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize