She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
