like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
