have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
