Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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