idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Too much gin, very little bucket
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
