Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
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Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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