He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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