All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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