I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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