I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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