Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
