I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
