did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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