I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
