i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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