scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
