i just google imaged poop.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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