I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
