3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
