I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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