i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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