Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
