i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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