We won't sleep together?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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