Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
