i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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