can u get pink eye on your cock?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
