Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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