I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
