Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
