The maid of honor just puked.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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