I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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